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Thomas More: Alienated

All I want to do is believe in my faith. I've got quite a lot to go around, should there ever be an underabundance of it, but Henry's really trying it now. I can still remember when we used to take strolls and talk about God and the Church and now...now he wants me to get my leggings dirty by jumping in mud puddles. And what's worse...he's making everyone succeed from the Church and I really don't like that.

But Henry doesn't stop there, the wretch. No, he has to go and make everybody sign this Act of Supremacy thing. Well it will be a cold day in Hell ere I sign that horrible document. Henry's threatening to lock me up for that, but we'll see about that. He likes me too much to do anything to me. I was his bestest friend once, that ought to hold a candle, oughtn't it?

Charles V: Piss off, Henry

That guy is seriously annoying the hell out of me. Christ on a cracker is the man a freaking moron! He's trying to divorce my aunt for God's sake! Is he mental? Or is he just smugly convinced that I'm not going to waltz on over there and kick his arse? I oughtta show him. I just might show him. But this Holy Roman Emperor bit is hardwork. I'll leave it to Phil 2, he'll know what to do.

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Henry VIII: I made a church today

Well...I've read my history. I know what happens to kings who don't have sons. I want England to be strong, you know, so I left my bro's old lady. It's for the best, you see. It's really nasty and icky and incestuous to be doing crap like that, so I tried to break it off, but the bloody pope wouldn't do it. Can you say cheesed off? So I went and made my own chuch. HA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you little rat turds! And who rules this church? I rule this church. Tommy More's a little miffed at me, but so what. He doesn't want to come mud puddle jumping with me.

Oh! But the really cool thing about my new church is that I can divorce and remarry whomever I like! You know that Boleyn girl I've been seeing on the side? *nudgenudgewinkwink* Her glorious, glorious THIGHS! She's strong stock, she'll breed me up a couple of sons. And if she doesn't...well, she'd better not.

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Who da man? I da man! As pope, I think I can make a lot of positive changes around here. Honestly, there could be some soul saving going on. Maybe. After lunch. I hear it's some kind of steak. I hope they have bloomin' onions. Them's fab. More on that later.

Oh me, oh my, what a great pope am I!

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Why doesn't anyone like me and my big nose and greasy hair? I just wanna be loved. Is that so wrong?

Da Vinci: I'm special

Painted again today. It was pretty, I liked it. It was a woman a Mona something or other. Doesn't matter, the picture has interesting dimensions. She looks a bit like a man. But she smiles pretty...pretty.

OH! And I totally designed tons of war machines. They were pretty cool. I bet they'd go boom really well. And I drew a naked man with too many extremities for the hell of it. It's psychedelic.

Charles VIII : Losing friends

Obviously I am not as popular as I once thought. Ludovico's a twitchy man. I am slowly beginning to realize I am not wanted here.

Charles VIII : Making friends

HA! Ludovico's such an idiot. He thinks I'm coming to help. What a dweeb. Savonarola's a nice chap. He gave me lot's of money (which is a good thing) to spare Florence. He has the possibility of becoming my friend.

Machiavelli: I'm hungry

Wrote a book today. Those Borgia kids are da bomb! Bought a red robe That seems to be the style. People keep making weird noises at me...some of my friends say that I sort of look like a chipmunk. What are friends for right? I was really hungry around noon today. I had no money so I knocked over some old guy and took his money. I bought an apple. Hunger satiated. Ends justify the means, right?

Michaelangelo: Developing neck pain

I'm laying on scaffolding again. Paint dripped in my eyes. It hurts. My arm may be going numb. Julius almost caused me to roll off the scaffolding. I asked him polietly to LEAVE ME ALONE! Needless to say he didn't. This ceiling is consuming all my free time. I am amazed that people still put up with me.